Have you had a visit from the mythical Libido fairy recently? Do you feel like you have been given a double portion and your wife missed her dose entirely? How can you get the Libido fairy to visit more often? How can we husbands really get our wives to desire more sexual intimacy the way that we do? Here are a few ideas to try to entice the libido fairy to make an extra stop and remember your wife’s dose too.
Time is the one resource we cannot earn or buy more of, we are all allotted only 24 hours per day. This is why time is precisely the resource that best shows what your priorities really are. When you are asked to do something what is your most common excuse? “I’m too busy”? Let’s face it we are all really busy!
Between work, kid’s activities, church and volunteer meetings, sleep and whatever else is in your world, it is no wonder that we all say we are, “too busy”. Many times we even say we are too busy for our spouses, and I would believe that except for one fact. Every day the average American watches four hours of TV. Yes, we busy Americans find a way to squeeze 4 hours of watching cop dramas, dancing stars, singing wannabes, and million dollar athletes into our busy schedule. If you dream about having more sexual intimacy with your wife, take my word for it. It won’t happen on commercial breaks!
Stop making the excuse of being too busy, turn off the boob tube 🙂 and turn on the next two concepts.
Remember the guy who picked up your future wife for your first date? The nervous guy, seeking to make a good first impression, hoping only to survive to date number two? You may not remember him, but your wife sure does! Maybe it is time to find that guy again. I have a theory that all guys can be romantic and most of us even enjoy it. We just get stuck in the day to day routine and forget to even try. Now that you have found some free time, use some of it to plan some romantic time together. Forget what that looks like? Think dinner for two, in a quiet place with no TV’s. Maybe even your own kitchen table if you take time to ditch the kiddos for an evening and clean up enough to wow her! Plan a date or even a getaway weekend if you can!
How long has it been? A week? A month? Longer? No wooing, no romance, no time will overcome long term entrenched issues with sexual intimacy. If decreased sex has been an issue for a majority of your marriage then you are going to need to schedule some time to talk about the issue. A few guidelines:
- Talk without pressure, don’t expect the conversation to lead to the bedroom.
- While your focus might be on sex hers probably is not. Talk about what you are feeling, thinking, learning, praying about even what God has been challenging you on.
- Try to remember that sexual intimacy is only a thermometer for your overall relationship health, focus on the rest of your relationship first!
- Talk about all areas of intimacy: spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and eventually physical.
- After you have been talking for a minimum of the time it would have taken you to watch your favorite show, then and only then you can ask, “I would really like to grow our sexual intimacy together, what can I do to help us have the time, romance, passion, and communication it takes for us do that?”
- Keep your mouth closed and LISTEN to her answer. If you asked with a sincere desire to help the two of you find time, romance, passion, and communication then you will learn a few things that could help!
If all else fails, or your not ready to give up watching “The Bachelor” then work to uncover any other areas of intimacy that need to be developed, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy all need to be present and in good health before the libido fairy will make frequent visits!
Be sure to visit Kate’s reply post, “Do I Want the Libido Fairy to Visit?“