Reclaim Your Anniversary!

Kate says . . .

Brad and I are about to celebrate our 12th wedding Anniversary on June 20th. A while ago I blogged about Celebrating Milestones.  Milestones are not just anniversaries, but include the little things in your marriage relationship that are good reasons or excuses to take time out for just the two of you. As we approach this milestone in our marriage, I am constantly surprised at how many couples let their anniversaries go by with hardly any recognition or celebration. Yes, couples are apt to celebrate the 1st anniversary and then the big ones after that (10, 25, 50) but the ones in between get bogged down and left behind by kids, no money, no time-you know life! While I know this happens to many married couples, I think it is a particular plight of couples with children. Why does this happen I wonder?

I am talking specifically about getting away for your Anniversary, not just going out to dinner. A challenge to make it something special for just the two of you!

A lot of the reservations about going away or having the kids go visit someone is simply that . . . the kids. After all you have to find someone to care for your kids, pack them up with all of their needs and then leave them in another’s hands. It is a lot to think about and quite frankly many of us have trouble leaving our children for extended periods of time. Leaving the kids makes us nervous, but I also think we fear that the only thing we will have to talk about is . . . the kids. Some couples feel that over the years they have less and less in common and the kids become their only connection in marriage. I can totally see how and why this happens, but if you are feeling this dynamic in your marriage, then you need to get away NOW! Don’t wait for your anniversary, go away and rediscover each other. Find the things you like to do and enjoy them together. Get away and show your hubby how important he is in your life and that you can leave the kids for a bit.

I think you will find once you get away, you will want to protect that time and getaway as often as possible. At first when Brad and I go away, it is hard to downshift from 5 down to 2. But after a bit, we easily get into a groove of just the two of us, and man is it wonderful! We find the harder part now, up shifting back to 5 again when we get home! As much as we love our kids, we love and cherish our times alone together!

If money is truly a concern, then stay home and have your kids go somewhere else for the weekend. But don’t spend the time at home doing all of your home improvement list while your kids are gone. Instead spend time with just your hubby. Doing things the both of you enjoy. Sex could certainly fill some of that time. Watch movies, read next to each other, play cards (strip poker is always fun), give your hubby a message, order take out, enjoy each other. Talk together, about your daily life, about your hopes and dreams for the future, about your struggles, but no KID talk! Make it a game, whoever mentions the kid’s has to receive a passionate kiss from the other. Something fun.

I have been thinking on this subject for quite sometime and am very passionate that kids should not be the center of marriages. When everything you do in your marriage centers on your kid’s that is a most definite marriage killer. Divorce Busting just had an exceptional article on this very subject, called The Mommy Madness Mistake. Definitely worth the read!

We only have one chance to raise our kids and we all hope that they will go out and serve God to the fullest. Doing exactly what He has called them to do. But the reality is, we only have one marriage in which to raise these children and teach them very important lessons about what God’s design for a one flesh marriage is. How you treat your marriage, the decisions you make and how your prioritize your marriage is one of the most critical influences on your children. If you treat your marriage like less then it is, less then God intended for it to be, you are showing your children a poor model of marriage  You are also shaping their every thoughts on family, God’s plan for their future marriage, and how they feel about life.

I truly believe that when your marriage comes second in your life, behind God but before kids, your children will feel secure and know they have a safe place to grow and learn. I have seen this in my own children. When Brad and I were not so focused on our marriage and intimacy, we had a lot of struggles with our oldest son. He was young, but definitely was acting out and testing limits, beyond what was normal for his age. It has been amazing to watch him over the last two years as God has changed our hearts, you can see that he feels so much more secure!

Our anniversary is a good opportunity to focus on the fact that marriages should come second, only to our walk with Jesus. Your anniversary is an important time and I would challenge all you wives to make it special, important and a priority. Just like you did all those years ago on your wedding day.

God has given us a plan for marriage and the strength and love to see that plan through. If that plan is truly what you want, then stop at nothing to get it. God will reward you greatly for your obedience to His plan. And for heavens sake, take back your Anniversary from your kids, family, time, money and life! Our daughter was born the day after our anniversary and our son 8 days after (not the best planning on our parts), but we never let it stop us. We make sure out kiddos have their special day, but nothing takes away from our day. With the birthdays so close, many times we take the weekend or week prior to our anniversary to have out special time alone. But even when we do that, we make ourselves a special dinner on our anniversary and have a dinner date night when the kids are in bed!
So will you take back your marriage, the one you were so excited about all those years ago when you wore that white dress and walked down the aisle to the man of your dreams? Will you take steps to protect your marriage and your time including (but not limited to) your anniversary? Will you make the best decision you can for your children and make your marriage second in your life?

I have great hope that all you ladies out there desire amazing marriages! If you need help in taking steps, please feel free to contact us at anytime! Sometimes taking those first steps can be the hardest, but it will get easier! We would love to pray for you as you journey to a one flesh marriage with your hubby!

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4 Responses to Reclaim Your Anniversary!

  1. Your spouse is definitely the center after the Head which is God.
    Which us why we have an annual couple’s retreat, family planning
    & maintaining can get to the best of you, leaving your spouse with the worst of you.
    Taking turns in owning up to & catering to the responsibility to the center is vital
    in order for your marriage not to flatline.
    Marriage Melody says, “you did it again, another great & true article.”

  2. Your spouse is definitely the center after the Head which is God.
    Which us why we have an annual couple's retreat, family planning
    & maintaining can get to the best of you, leaving your spouse with the worst of you.
    Taking turns in owning up to & catering to the responsibility to the center is vital
    in order for your marriage not to flatline.
    Marriage Melody says, "you did it again, another great & true article."

  3. Thanks so much Marriage Melody!  We appreciate your kind words of support and affirmations!  Love working together to strengthen marriages!  Blessings, Brad and Kate