Kate says . . .
Brad and I are about to celebrate our 12th wedding Anniversary on June 20th. A while ago I blogged about Celebrating Milestones. Milestones are not just anniversaries, but include the little things in your marriage relationship that are good reasons or excuses to take time out for just the two of you. As we approach this milestone in our marriage, I am constantly surprised at how many couples let their anniversaries go by with hardly any recognition or celebration. Yes, couples are apt to celebrate the 1st anniversary and then the big ones after that (10, 25, 50) but the ones in between get bogged down and left behind by kids, no money, no time-you know life! While I know this happens to many married couples, I think it is a particular plight of couples with children. Why does this happen I wonder?
I am talking specifically about getting away for your Anniversary, not just going out to dinner. A challenge to make it something special for just the two of you!
I think you will find once you get away, you will want to protect that time and getaway as often as possible. At first when Brad and I go away, it is hard to downshift from 5 down to 2. But after a bit, we easily get into a groove of just the two of us, and man is it wonderful! We find the harder part now, up shifting back to 5 again when we get home! As much as we love our kids, we love and cherish our times alone together!
If money is truly a concern, then stay home and have your kids go somewhere else for the weekend. But don’t spend the time at home doing all of your home improvement list while your kids are gone. Instead spend time with just your hubby. Doing things the both of you enjoy. Sex could certainly fill some of that time. Watch movies, read next to each other, play cards (strip poker is always fun), give your hubby a message, order take out, enjoy each other. Talk together, about your daily life, about your hopes and dreams for the future, about your struggles, but no KID talk! Make it a game, whoever mentions the kid’s has to receive a passionate kiss from the other. Something fun.
I have been thinking on this subject for quite sometime and am very passionate that kids should not be the center of marriages. When everything you do in your marriage centers on your kid’s that is a most definite marriage killer. Divorce Busting just had an exceptional article on this very subject, called The Mommy Madness Mistake. Definitely worth the read!
We only have one chance to raise our kids and we all hope that they will go out and serve God to the fullest. Doing exactly what He has called them to do. But the reality is, we only have one marriage in which to raise these children and teach them very important lessons about what God’s design for a one flesh marriage is. How you treat your marriage, the decisions you make and how your prioritize your marriage is one of the most critical influences on your children. If you treat your marriage like less then it is, less then God intended for it to be, you are showing your children a poor model of marriage You are also shaping their every thoughts on family, God’s plan for their future marriage, and how they feel about life.
I truly believe that when your marriage comes second in your life, behind God but before kids, your children will feel secure and know they have a safe place to grow and learn. I have seen this in my own children. When Brad and I were not so focused on our marriage and intimacy, we had a lot of struggles with our oldest son. He was young, but definitely was acting out and testing limits, beyond what was normal for his age. It has been amazing to watch him over the last two years as God has changed our hearts, you can see that he feels so much more secure!
Our anniversary is a good opportunity to focus on the fact that marriages should come second, only to our walk with Jesus. Your anniversary is an important time and I would challenge all you wives to make it special, important and a priority. Just like you did all those years ago on your wedding day.
I have great hope that all you ladies out there desire amazing marriages! If you need help in taking steps, please feel free to contact us at anytime! Sometimes taking those first steps can be the hardest, but it will get easier! We would love to pray for you as you journey to a one flesh marriage with your hubby!