Kate says . . .
Proverbs 25:24 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV)
We all have scriptures that we aspire to be like, ones that we strive for. Then there are those scriptures that we hope and pray we are nothing like. This verse from Proverbs is one of those verses. Solomon is giving his sons words of wisdom throughout the book of Proverbs. He shares this same principle about a quarrelsome wife many times throughout the book of Proverbs. You may wonder why he shares it 5 times, my hubby has said on many occasions that Proverbs repeats itself time and time again because it was written for men, and they need to be reminded many times. Honestly he said that! It made me laugh. Anyway, Solomon had many wives and concubines (another post for another day, delving into that), so I am sure he knew what a contentious or quarrelsome wife was. We have heard these verses, what exactly is a quarrelsome or contentious wife?
- Given to quarreling; contentious
- Marked by quarreling.
- synonyms argumentative, belligerent.
The word contentious in the dictionary is defined as:
- Given to contention; quarrelsome.
- Involving or likely to cause contention; controversial
Yikes! Those are definitely not words I want used to describe me as a wife. “She was a great person, but she was given to quarreling, being argumentative and on occasion belligerent, where her husband was concerned!” Can you imagine that on your tombstone or spoken at your eulogy? Hmm not exactly the sweet words I hope others will remember about me. Yet I know there have been times in our marriage, where I was airing much more on the side of contentious then uplifting, supporting and loving my hubby. So what characteristics are involved in being a contentions wife?
Looking for Opportunities
You know those times in your life, when you are just waiting for the ideal moment to unload on your husband? It may have nothing at all to do with him, or it may have everything to do with him, either way it feels good to unload, to be in control and to have the upper hand. Anyone ever had a moment like that? Usually afterwards you feel awful because you know it wasn’t right. You may even try to justify your actions in your head.
When you find yourself looking for a reason to unload, ask yourself why. Is there something you really need to talk and communicate with your husband about? Do you need a hug and to tell him you are having a stressful or emotional day? Do you need to tell him all about the insane day you had? Try not to use your hubby as a punching bag of sorts and if you do need to talk about something that is bothering you, that does involve him, try to do so in a way, that will encourage talking and working together. Not put him on the defensive from the start.
Want Things Done Your Way & In Your Time
We are wives and we like control. Everyone stand up and raise your right hand and say, “My name is (insert your name) and I am addicted to control,” there doesn’t that feel better?
I AM a recovering control addict. I like control, I like things the way I like them and in my time. Yet that is not what marriage is. It is not about one person anymore, it is about TWO people becoming one. That means we have to be willing to die to the self and put our spouses needs and wants before our own. If we always want, what we want, when we want it, we will be contentious!
Well now, doesn’t a ton of this come down to respect? If we seek to respect our husband, then I believe we will be rid of much of the quarrelsome attitudes and behaviors. Lift your hubby up and encourage him as the head of your family. Encourage him in his work, listen and ask about his day at work. Encourage him to find time for just him to relax (yes I know this is hard, since we work hard too, but he needs down time as well). Love him even with his faults, tell him you love him just the way he is! Help him in the areas he struggles, as a helper with a servant spirit-not a taker over and controller! Tell him you are proud of him and appreciate all that he does for you and the family!
I think Solomon was on to something
- A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day (Proverbs 27:15)
- A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. (Proverbs 19:13)
- Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)
- Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19)
- It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 25:24)
What are other ways you can think of that can be seen as being quarrelsome toward your husband? I would love to hear all of your thoughts, because honestly ladies, we need to be checking ourselves regularly!