Husband Bashing

Kate says . . .

Sometimes it’s so easy and you just can’t resist. You are out with a bunch of girlfriends and you all start talking about your husbands. One thing leads to another and you are all in comradery about your husbands. Only the comradery is about the ways that your husbands are lacking. I get it! I really do. Yet if I am honest with you, and I hope that I always am, it needs to stop.

A Few Good Ladies

We will all have times we need to talk to a friend about what is happening in our marriage. One of the biggest issues with husband bashing is who we talk to. I have a few dear “marriage positive” friends that I trust all of me, with and that includes my marriage. They are the ladies I go to when I need to talk, ask for prayer, to be challenged or encouraged. They are the voices I allow in, and only them. There is a key to understanding why; they don’t allow me to stay stuck in that place. If you have friends who are struggling deeply in their marriage or who hold different values about marriage, they should not ever be the voice you allow when you are struggling.

Venting has it’s place

I completely understand that venting has it’s place in life. To be able to get something off of your chest that has been burdening you can be such a relief. The issue is when it doesn’t stop there. When you continue to look for justification for your anger and frustration. Putting a stop to this in your life is not easy, but the rewards are sweet. Venting doesn’t help us solve problems. So while it needs to happen sometimes, you need to have those friends who don’t join you in venting but start to ask you the hard questions.

Self Reflection

A wife who can tell her friends how she is struggling (venting if you need to) and then turn it all around and answer the very important question of “what could I do in the situation to bring about the change I’d like to see” is a wife who knows the value of her marriage. You need to be asking your self questions like:

How could I have responded differently in the situation?

Was it really such a big deal?

How does God want me to respond as a wife?

Remember ladies, we are a huge part of the equation and how we learn to deal with the different situations as they arise says many things about us.

Our Husbands are a Gift

Our husbands are an incredible gift to us! Whether you embrace that truth or struggle with that truth I would challenge you to choose to believe the best in your husband. So before you go down that road of texting a group of girl friends your husband’s latest shortcomings or meet and over coffee spend the whole time venting, remind yourself what a gift your husband is and ask yourself how you could have handled things differently.

Marriage community sharing: How have you seen these truths to be evident in your own marriage?  Share any other advice you might have on husband bashing. Let us know in the comments!

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4 Responses to Husband Bashing

  1. Far too many women see themselves as superior to men. There is a word for this, it is MISANDRY, it is the opposite of Misogeny. Wikipedia does a good job of explaining it. Ladies here is a secret: Sex is not men’s number one priority, I know it does not seem like that to you, but his number one priority is respect. A commodity in short supply with women.

    Here is another secret, men tend to live up to or down to your view of him.

    The Bible says: “Speak to each other only in edifying words. Now the word edify from the Greek means to build up, strengthen or to reinforce as opposed to tearing each other down. Do this and you will be amazed at the transformation in your husband for the better.

    John Wilder, the author of the Kindle book entitled Sex Education For Adults Secrets to Amazing Sex and Happily Ever After Too
    all Bible based-

    • John, I appreciate your comment however I think you are missing a really important point in this. It seems that when you comment (which you have frequently) it is all about how women are failing their husbands, or “misandry” as you said. As you can tell from our posts Kate absolutely encourages and challenges wives to discover what God is calling them to do for their husbands, emotionally, sexually, and even in terms of respect. All of that is very positive; however your comment totally misses the numerous opportunities for HUSBANDS to live up to the standard that Jesus set, “love your wives as Jesus loved the church”. I just don’t find it at all helpful to lay blame on the feet of wives. I have counseled and coached hundreds of couples and I have yet to encounter one where ALL of the problems were the wife’s. (or the husbands for that matter). There is so much husbands need to do in order to live a Biblical standard of a husband, I’m just not sure why it is important or valuable for you to point out what wives are not doing. I would encourage you to spend your energy and influence calling husbands up to the challenge, not giving them the “out” by blaming their wife as if it is all their fault.

    • You’re framing women as entitled and disrespectful, and your argument is that people live up to their expectations of them.

      Thus by your own argument, you’re attempting to make the situation worse by your lack of edifying words.

      Individual marriages have enough to deal with without injecting words like misandry and misogyny into the mix. I’ve yet to see any individual situation improve because a couple started using words to better express hate, contempt or rage about the opposite sex.