Kate says . . .
Sometimes it’s so easy and you just can’t resist. You are out with a bunch of girlfriends and you all start talking about your husbands. One thing leads to another and you are all in comradery about your husbands. Only the comradery is about the ways that your husbands are lacking. I get it! I really do. Yet if I am honest with you, and I hope that I always am, it needs to stop.
A Few Good Ladies
We will all have times we need to talk to a friend about what is happening in our marriage. One of the biggest issues with husband bashing is who we talk to. I have a few dear “marriage positive” friends that I trust all of me, with and that includes my marriage. They are the ladies I go to when I need to talk, ask for prayer, to be challenged or encouraged. They are the voices I allow in, and only them. There is a key to understanding why; they don’t allow me to stay stuck in that place. If you have friends who are struggling deeply in their marriage or who hold different values about marriage, they should not ever be the voice you allow when you are struggling.
Venting has it’s place
I completely understand that venting has it’s place in life. To be able to get something off of your chest that has been burdening you can be such a relief. The issue is when it doesn’t stop there. When you continue to look for justification for your anger and frustration. Putting a stop to this in your life is not easy, but the rewards are sweet. Venting doesn’t help us solve problems. So while it needs to happen sometimes, you need to have those friends who don’t join you in venting but start to ask you the hard questions.
A wife who can tell her friends how she is struggling (venting if you need to) and then turn it all around and answer the very important question of “what could I do in the situation to bring about the change I’d like to see” is a wife who knows the value of her marriage. You need to be asking your self questions like:
How could I have responded differently in the situation?
Was it really such a big deal?
How does God want me to respond as a wife?
Remember ladies, we are a huge part of the equation and how we learn to deal with the different situations as they arise says many things about us.
Our Husbands are a Gift
Our husbands are an incredible gift to us! Whether you embrace that truth or struggle with that truth I would challenge you to choose to believe the best in your husband. So before you go down that road of texting a group of girl friends your husband’s latest shortcomings or meet and over coffee spend the whole time venting, remind yourself what a gift your husband is and ask yourself how you could have handled things differently.
Marriage community sharing: How have you seen these truths to be evident in your own marriage? Share any other advice you might have on husband bashing. Let us know in the comments!