There is a stunning lack of physical touch in most marriages. No I’m not just referring to sexual physical touch, I’m talking about any touch. Loving hugs, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or the simple light touch as you are walking past each other. All of these touches are critical to all relationships, and yet the are lacking in most marriages
Where Has All the Touching Gone?
Maybe physical touch isn’t your or your spouses primary love language, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t an important part of communicating love and affection. When a couple starts out they can hardly keep their hands off each other. A new couple’s touch clearly communicate to each other and to everyone else that they are in love. Yet, as the years wear on all that touching seems to just melt away.
Where does it go? There are lots of reasons why couples stop touching each other as much as they had in the past. Sometimes it is just the busyness of life that causes people slide into a routine and they forget to take time for each other. Other times touch is actually thwarted by one partner, when it is used only to communicate sexual desire, and not love alone. And unfortunately, touch is the first thing to disappear when there is conflict in a marriage.
Stop and Think
When was the last time that you touched your wife just because? When was the last time you give her a hug? When was the last time that you reached out and stroked her shoulders? When was the last time you held hands? If you don’t know the answer to all of those questions then you might need to really think about where the touch has gone in your marriage! Also, if all of the answers related to the last time that you had sex, then you definitely need to consider where all of the non-sexual touch as gone in your marriage! (Ladies, you can ask yourselves the same questions! Touch doesn’t have to be initiated only by your husband and trust me your guy would love receiving all of those touches too!)
Touch is powerful! Touch communicates “I choose you”, “I’m here”, and even “I forgive you”. Touch says “I love you” in ways that words cannot. At the same time, a lack of touch, whether intentional or simply absent-minded, communicates too and usually not in a good way.
Touch Ends Arguments
Have you ever noticed that you might be sitting on the sofa together when a disagreement starts, but pretty soon you are completely on opposite sides of the room? Conflict creates space between people, both emotional and physical space. Touch is a way to break that distance. Next time you are having a disagreement, you don’t have to say anything different, simply sit down next to your wife and take her hand. That simple act, even if your words don’t change, will change your discussion. Your touch communicates, “I love you even if we are disagreeing right now”. Your touch can end arguments that your words might not be able to.
We’ve all had that experience of seeing our wife upset and not knowing what to do or say that can help. Next time that happens, just walk over to her and hold her. Give her a bear hug and let her know that you are there! Your hug, your touch will communicate love, safety and care in powerful ways that she needs to feel!
Touch Every Day!
Don’t forget to find ways to touch each other every day. Touch that has nothing to do with sex. Touch that just says “I love you”. What do you think? Have you seen touch change in your marriage? How has that impacted you? How have you renewed touch after it disappeared? Let us know in the comments!