“That” Time of the Month

Kate says . . .

This is a topic I have been asked to write about often. But let’s be honest, it’s not the easiest topic to share about. It’s the topic of wives having their period. The thing that we wouldn’t want to be without and yet is at time something we dread each month.How can we do that time well and how do we help our husband understand us during that time?

I think there is always going to be misconceptions and lack of ability to understand for us wives, what it is like to be a man. The same is true for husband understanding what it is like to be a woman. It is hard for a husband to completely understand and empathize with something he has not been through. So this post is for both husbands and wives, trying to better understand and navigate “that” time of the month.

She might not understand either

I think the biggest thing I can share about having my period and the time that surrounds it is, I don’t know why I feel the way I do either and it frustrates me just as much as it can frustrate Brad. I know that sounds a bit loony and believe me I feel it. And yet, there are times I seriously ask myself, “What is your issue?” I have often felt this way and silently hoped Brad would just understand. But that is an unrealistic hope. He has always been very open to being helpful during my period, but also baffled at times. Let’s admit it ladies, we can have that effect on our hubby’s.

One of the best things I did for our marriage dealing with my period and the times I felt “out of sorts” was to tell Brad just that. To let him know that I felt “crazy” and that I didn’t like it but also didn’t know what to do about it. I never knew that could be helpful. Yet once I did that, Brad would often go out of his way to be helpful in any way he could. He said he always assumed he was the one that was upsetting me and once he understood that was not the case, he could be more helpful. Before he was always scrambling to figure out what he had done wrong and make it right.

The best way I can describe it

I always tell Brad that the best way I can describe it is that I have a bad stomach ache for 4-5 days, my back hurts, my head hurts (migraines), I am tired and I just feel grimy. I realize those are my symptoms and that they vary for women. But guys you need to imagine having that every month. There are times it is-just-not-fun!! It is life, but not always fun or easy.

Talk about it

I know, I know, it just isn’t something husbands and wives talk about naturally. But why shouldn’t it be. God created it for his purposes as part of marriage and having babies. Why not talk about it? Brad and I openly talk about when my period is coming up. It is a part of our life and our marriage. It is not just about me, it is part of our marriage. In God’s design there is nothing gross or inappropriate about it. Though there are times I have struggled with seeing it in the beautiful picture God has created it to be. What woman hasn’t? That doesn’t have to stop you from talking about your period with your husband and tearing down one of those walls the enemy likes for you to keep up!

Give your wife lots of love and hugs

Your wife needs you during this time, even if you think it is best to keep your distance. Give her lots of reassuring hugs, kisses, tell her she is beautiful, go out of your way to help out with the kids or around the house, and make sure you are speaking her love language. If you are uncertain how to help, ask! Say, “what can I do today that will help you and allow you to rest or relax?” Or “how can I best help you today?”

Then there is sex . . .

We get asked frequently about having sex while the wife has her period. Many couples struggle with figuring this out. It simply comes down to talking about it as a couple and deciding if that is something you both want and are comfortable with.

Not an excuse

While I hope that husbands can understand and take the challenge to lavish your wife with love during her period, it is not an excuse for us a wives to be mean or treat our husbands unkindly. Just as I tell my kids all the time when they are tired, I understand how being tired makes you feel. But it is not an excuse to be mean. Be honest and real by telling us that your tired and not feeling in a good mood.

 

All right husbands and wives . . . I know this can be a heated and frustrating often misunderstood topic.  Share your thoughts!?

 

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4 Responses to “That” Time of the Month

  1. My wife finally helped me understand a few things by telling me that it wasn’t that things bothered her then that were OK the rest of the time, but that they bothered her all the time and she could handle that better, or they seemed smaller when she wasn’t on her period. Best explanation I have heard, very wise observation, and self-aware. A man can get a grip on that.

    My point to her was that you can’t “logically” have it both ways – that I have to treat you differently at that time, but I can’t “blame” it on your period. Confusing to a man, but then, I did use the word logical.

    Her recognition of the problem, and not blaming me for stuff that wasn’t my fault helped us get through those years OK.

  2. My wife struggled for several days each month. It was difficult for me to understand where she was coming from. Once she told me that it was her time of the month, I could give some slack for her crankiness. So nice for my wife to be over that time of the month. Period gone, grumpiness gone, hot flashes gone, stomach ache gone, head ache gone, more sex, and more normal relationship most of the time. I wish I understood when I was younger, and I wish I could have read a post like this many years ago.

  3. When I was in high school health class and we were learning out menstruation, an upper classman boy whose seat was next to me jumped in his seat, looked at all us girls with wide eyes and said, “wait! You girls get your period every month??!! I thought you only got it once a year! No wonder you get so b****y! I would, too, if I went through that every month!”

    The hormonal reactions are there for a reason. I also believe it is part of the “weaker vessel” that is spoken of women in the New Testament.

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